Why is it that when two people act the same way, that they get treated differently.
Life is such a fucked up thing. I'm excited about two things. J and are going to a Cardinals game on the 17th. It is also my Birthday on the 24th. I hope this year my birthday will be filled with hope, joy and everything or anything wonderful.

I'm not looking forward to very much lately. It is boring at home, I am paying rent all by myself now and it sucks. I'm hoping it won't be for long but, it's not my call. I've been thinking alot about my life and what I want to do. Well, what I want is pretty much not going to happen. If it looks like it will stay that way I was thinking about moving to D.C. and helping my mind out. I don't really want to move but, when things are dramafied sometimes I think it might be easier to leave. Maybe there will be less hurt. I feel hopeless today. It's one of those days where I feel stupid and ugly. I hate my new hair cut at this moment. I'm hoping things start looking up soon. I mean everyone goes through some bad patches in their life but, good god. I am in need of love, understanding and anything good. It has to get better, I really don't think it could get much worse. I mean realistically.

The only positive thing in my life is that I'm in love. I'm not talking about that Jr. High kind. I'm talking about the whole nine yards kind. The kind where two people are the only two people in the world and nothing else matters. The kind I had. I feel that way, I just have to be patient for the other person to feel that way again. The kind of love doesn't just die. It can get fucked up but no one can replace those feelings.