This weekend will be filled with place hunting, cleaning and other things you do alone. I am in need of some serious TLC. I think tonight is beer night.

Today sucks. Please get a gun and make it over.

I really have no good update today. I want to be loved and cuddled all the live long day.

I'm working way to hard right now someone send a laser and beam me elsewhere.. Please!

I got paid today! Yeah. Last night was lame, I'm sure tonight will be too. I'm getting to the point where I am learning not to count on people, all they do is let you down and smash you. I mean look at Bush. Is he really human? I think not... I would never let someone of his moral standards impregnate me.. I can tell you that right now.

Gross now I have to shower.. That made my stomach turn.

So it's a Monday, yuck! For my birthday I woke up feeling very loved. I had a yummy I-Hop breakfast and good company. I love getting spoiled every now and then.

Well, I also had my first night at the shat. It went really well, I had so much fun. Becky and her guy Eric went down with me. I made about 50 dollars, which isn't to bad. Adam was so sweet and would check in and make sure I'm doing okay. He even told me he loved me as a sister. It was so sweet and unexpected it made me and still does make me so happy and loved to think about it.

Today at work my sister Jen sent me a dozen pink roses for a late birthday surprise. I thought that was so sweet. I love my family. I consider Adam and Andy family, I wish I saw them more but hey that doesn't mean I don't love and care about them. I'm in a great mood... only a couple of things could make it even better.

you are hotpink #FF69B4

Your dominant hues are red and magenta. You love doing your own thing and going on your own adventures, but there are close friends you know you just can't leave behind. You can influence others on days when you're patient, but most times you just want to go out, have fun, and do your own thing. Your saturation level is medium - You're not the most decisive go-getter, but you can get a job done when it's required of you. You probably don't think the world can change for you and don't want to spend too much effort trying to force it. Your outlook on life is very bright. You are sunny and optimistic about life and others find it very encouraging, but remember to tone it down if you sense irritation.

the spacefem.com html color quiz

So Jon over at seethruskin did this little color thingy. I must say I think his matches him. I don't know about mine but I do like the color.

MMMMMMMMMMMM...... That is all I can say about today. I feel so loved. I come in to work to find nice pretty decorations, a package, flowers and food! What more could go right today. I feel loved.

On another note.. I have to go to the gates of hell, better known as the DMV. I have to renew my license. I don't want to take another picture. I have eye bags.

Last night was okay. I just laid around and did nothing. My little Ava was so cute all night. She was just cuddled right up next to me. I love cuddles even from Dogs. Who invented this thing cuddling? I think they should get a Noble Peace Prize or something, because if everyone just cuddled 24/7 we wouldn't have War. Everyone would be to happy.

Imagine Osama Bin Laden and W. Cuddling together. See they don't seem so evil know!

Well, last night I had softball practice so I missed Angel. I went to drink with Becky, Tina and Marsha. It was funny. Tina and Becky are really nice people. I was surprised when I got home and found someone waiting for me. I love surprise visits. It is so sweet. It just perked my little bad mood right now.

I wish I felt like this everyday. It's funny that when people do things you don't expect it cheers you right up. It makes me want to make everyone feel better. I love today. For the first time this month I'll looking forward to my Birthday. I hope it's a nice lovely day.

I have to work down at Shattered on Saturday and I'll be all alone. So if you are in town come down and tip well. It would be a nice surprise.

In other news...

Looks like my hunt for a 1 bedroom is over. Now I might be moving into a 3 bedroom. I'll be living with Becky and some friend of hers named Matt. I don't know how I feel about living with a guy but, I like the idea of keeping my dogs. I will have to think about this more. I mean living with a guy I've never meet could be odd. I hope he would be downstairs so then Becky and I could share the upstairs. The place is nice and I have no clue as to how much a month. I just don't know what to do. Everything is changing and changing fast I wish I had one stable thing right now. Well I have my shitty spelling and grammar... But it is more of a pain than a comfort

Well, today I don't know if I'll have time for a long post. I am going to watch Angel tonight. I went to Shattered and had my training. I'm pretty excited about it. I hope to make some nice spending money.

So, It is pouring outside. I spilled cappuccino all over my shirt, it soaked to my bra. I feel scared. I have to go to the Doctor today at two, I don't want to go. Tonight I have to go to shattered for my training. I am now the Saturday night shot girl. Speaking of Saturday it is my Birthday. I normally get all excited and happy but, this year I feel a big fat let down this year. I mean why should I care when know one else does. I'm not trying to complain but, when I try to help others and they don't do shit in return it doesn't make me to hopeful that it will be a good day. My sister Jen, is the only one who has anything nice planned for me. It's just a date on the calendar but, it's a date in which I'm going to be 24. It's a date where everything is suppose to go my way and I should feel loved. Every morning for 3 weeks I wake up look at my phone see the time and date and groan. I'm dreading getting hurt and disappointed.

So I'm back at work from this weekend. I would say over all it was blah. I had good times (cardinal game) but mostly bad/ frustrating times. I hate waiting on people. I hate being disappointed over and over again. One day things will get better. I always feel like I'm in a glass bubble and everyone else isn't in one and they are all laughing at me. Sometimes it's like someone is half way in my bubble and I think they are their because the want hang out but it turns out it's to laugh.

None of this makes sense and I don't really care, basically I'm saying I wish I felt like smiling again. I wish more than anything that the things that made me happy would make me happy again. I'm tired.. tired of feeling this way tired of getting older and getting shit on tired of worring. I wish I could be 5 again.

Today I got some yummy food from Wendy's. A nice baked potato. I must say this was one of the nicest lunchies I've had in a long time. I really want to have some fun after work but, I don't know if I'll get my way. I hope so. I feel wicked.

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Update
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I know have coments!

I rule. Fuck that wasn't that hard. Next I find a nice new bloggerskin. I don't know if I'm ready for that.

First thing is first. I watched the first episode of the last six for Angel, I must say it's getting rather good. Fred is currently a demon, who Wesley is trying to save. Gunn lost his super smartness and is now in a hell deminsion. Lindsay is back and Eve is all wet again. Speaking of Eve she got her ass kicked out of the little crew, her replacement is an ugly man. What a drag. Angel learns that the senior partners are setting up the real apocalypse and all this stuff with firm is to distract him. Angel gets mad and is all ready to step it up now. I hope that on the final episode Cordie comes back. I heard Sarah Michelle Gellar isn't coming back as Buffy for it, that fucking sucks.

The CD's that I bought last night where...

1. Cursive Burst and Bloom
This CD fucking rocks. The first, second and last track are controlling my life. It makes me want to leave work, leave town find Cursive and rock out.

2. Cursive
Art is hard
This is a CD single with Art is hard which is off their amazing Ugly Organ album. It also has an unreleased track called Sinner's Serenade. This song is worth paying four dollars for. Well unless you can burn it from someone. The lyrics on this song amaze me.

3. Le Tigre Remix
Now, I really dig that Keep on Livin' song so I thought I would get more. I didn't know how I felt about a remix album. Well it is pure techno. I doubt I will ever play it again unless if I'm drunk. I bought it because it was the only Le Tigre album they had and they where out of Rilo Kiley.

4. Shins Know your onion
Fist I must say the CD it's self is clear around the edge and it won't play in my car, which sucks. I listened to this and like it but, I am on a major Cursive jones right now so I will have to listen to it after I get my fill of Cursive.

That is all I bought, today after work I'm going to Streetside to buy Rilo Kiley. I need it... It calls to me. Okay I just really want it. J has the saddlecreek comp at his work and I really really want to listen to it right now. I can't wait until I get my computer at home so I can burn some shit.

Tonight J is coming over and we are to rent movies. I think I would rather play catch or do something outside since the weather is fucking awesome. I can't wait for Saturday. It will be fucking sweet.. Cardinal baseball that is.

Well, I still haven't had time to master these comments that Jason told me about. Maybe I'll get to it until them just e-mail me at milojonheather@hotmail.com

I GOT IT.

I have the plus side. Okay it's a little lame but it works. ANGEL is on tonight. I'm hooked on that shit. The new Interpol album is due to come out this Fall. I'm very excited by this. Today I am going CD shopping, after work. I will tell you all tomorrow what goodness I bought.

So, J moved out April 6th. I made it a full week. This is hard how do you stay in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with someone you've been with for years now that they don't live with you. He said he needed space. I can respect that but looking back I have my fears that is more like looking for other pussy. I hope I'm wrong. I am going to try and just be patient and give him his space. I just want to love him and hold him so much. When I see him walk this one walk I feel like I'm floating. He has given me that feeling for about 6 years now. I don't /won't push those feelings down. Most people think I'm crazy and I should tell him to fuck off but, you know what you don't give up on people you love. Especially after six years. I mean know one is that heartless they would sting someone along after all this time.

Well, on a more depressing note I know have to move. Yes, he moved out but, I could still pay the rent all by myself. Well, J didn't give the landlord rent or sign the new lease. The landlord is made and is making me leave. He's being nice about it. I have a couple of months. I didn't tell the Landlord about J moving out and I don't plan on it. I haven't told my parents yet. My dad and carol like him so much, I don't want them to start hating him. I am hoping this moving apart is a temporary thing. So, now what do I do. I have no money. I have two dogs and my boyfriend doesn't live with me and I have to move. My life is starting to get a little shitter each day.

On the plus side... okay let me think about the plus side and get back to you.

Why is it that when two people act the same way, that they get treated differently.
Life is such a fucked up thing. I'm excited about two things. J and are going to a Cardinals game on the 17th. It is also my Birthday on the 24th. I hope this year my birthday will be filled with hope, joy and everything or anything wonderful.

I'm not looking forward to very much lately. It is boring at home, I am paying rent all by myself now and it sucks. I'm hoping it won't be for long but, it's not my call. I've been thinking alot about my life and what I want to do. Well, what I want is pretty much not going to happen. If it looks like it will stay that way I was thinking about moving to D.C. and helping my mind out. I don't really want to move but, when things are dramafied sometimes I think it might be easier to leave. Maybe there will be less hurt. I feel hopeless today. It's one of those days where I feel stupid and ugly. I hate my new hair cut at this moment. I'm hoping things start looking up soon. I mean everyone goes through some bad patches in their life but, good god. I am in need of love, understanding and anything good. It has to get better, I really don't think it could get much worse. I mean realistically.

The only positive thing in my life is that I'm in love. I'm not talking about that Jr. High kind. I'm talking about the whole nine yards kind. The kind where two people are the only two people in the world and nothing else matters. The kind I had. I feel that way, I just have to be patient for the other person to feel that way again. The kind of love doesn't just die. It can get fucked up but no one can replace those feelings.

I wonder who invented fortune cookies? Then I wonder who made them lame?

I am in need of some sleep. I didn't go to bed until 3:30 am. I'm a tired little kitten.

What makes people the way they are? I mean is it them who makes them, or what others do to them? From now on, I will try to make me the way I want not what others do.

Make sense?

What I'm trying to say is I want to be a good person.

Why do I make several diffrent entries instead of one big one?

Sometimes I'm a cold hearted Bitch. I don't like being this way. I want to be nice and inoccent like I use to be. Why is it that things effect you so much. Sometimes it's the littlest things.

I miss my Jenny.

I'm starting this blog. I have no clue how much or how little I will keep up with it.
My life is in an odd state right now so, I thought it would be good to put some thoughts down.